yea its tuesday i stayed up too late last night and im .. realy tired. well at least i can line nap at schoom yea. murr nothing much new school is ok just thought i would put a post later all

im at my moms house.. yeah my mom helps me with some money and som basic nesesitys.. and she pays our car payment. but that dosent give her the right to SNOOP on my phone look at my pics see my cock pics witch i took to document my restoration. so i like say its my personar reason but no she has to push me i tell her she wouldent under stand but she agges on and so i tell her she says im stupid and all this shit no explaning nothing at all not even a ok thats you and this is my openion. no then it goes to my life sucks and all this shit cuse i actualy care that i was cut and that im gay and that i allways am so defyand cuse i actualy do what makes me happy and do what i feal. me my owne man. have my owne oppenion. but no im going to hell im not inportain im worse thain my brouther who is in a halfway house who sexualy took advantage of my cusens... and im bad cuse im gay and i dont like that i was mutalated and she thinks she has the right as my parent to have part of my penis amputates for NO GOD DAMN FUCKING REASON I HATE LIFE. realy i do why am i forced to suffer. i just want to be me thats all i can be and i cant be any thing else....im in tears wrighting this..i feal i want to never see my mom again. i love her to death but it hurts too much if i had the nurve i would end it all. but i cant put others through the pain i feal. what did i do in my past life that was so bad that i desurve this.

the other dat i picked up one of my chiled hood faveroits the rescuers down under. it was awsome i found it in a pile of old vhs tapes. i started watching it and wow jake the mouse from aulstrila was like fucking hot. it was awsome ^^ i need to find porn or at least draw some. ^^ it was awsome. at least im like a little happyer. if only infatuated to a cartoon mouse. *blush* oh well. if any one reading this wants to post me pics please do. =^.^=

so like today was heacktic i went to dshs.. that sucked. i like want to like call the people who run that and complain to them about the shit that goes on there. i went to school ..... 100+ bucks for my books. im going to the glases place tomarow and then to the health clenic. yay ^^ thats about it still going insain. and more deprested. i need to see someone about it.

ok so im at a friends house im out i guess mady well my comp is on the net =^.^= yay um but im still down and shit im going crazy realy actualy crazy and all emo i cant like fix it. nya ive gone so far in to my den im finding the world is to fucked up for me i think im sleeping maby i will wake up soon and things will be better. i dont know things are just so bad its hard to say hakuna matata things will work out i dout that it will get any better. im going to let my animal out and go sleep in his den and drown in the forest.

so im trying to get help from dshs and what happens oh lets see

DR: have you ben fealing deprested and down
ME: yes ive ben down on the fact im dissowned by my mom and her family im circumsized and hate it. im making a febial atempt to restore while having cronic testicular pain witch has nothing to do with restoring.

i desighted to be open about how down i get its hard living my life i try the best i can i cryed saturday night. so the dr responds

DR: WHAT! YOU have isues from being circumsized. what the fuck is whrong with you it prevents aids. and its whay better fore you why the fuck would you be unhappy. ives seen veitnam and ive seen my friends get fucked up. what the fuck is wrong with you.

at this point im fucking hurt i had my fealings smashed in to 1000 peaceses i like shut up and got realy emo and shit on the in side now i want to kill my self you basterd its all cuse of you...not realy i wouldent kill my self. god damn ignorent basterd. ive filed a greaveance im going to have my youth councilor help me with stating that my relidgion and my diginity was smashed. being truthfull sucks ass. im going to keep restoring and if i ever get the chance show him my foreskin and say HA i win you fucking prick.

sorry for the langwidge im just realy hurt

so update its ben three mounths and well not much progress im still a ci3 the o rings just arnt working nor the tlc tugger. im at a loss at what to do. i have verry senctitve skin i get lots of dryed skin witch can tare easily so i cant tape o rings are ok but as i said going nowhere. the tlc is uncoumfortable with the elastic strap. im posabily looking at a cat q 2. i could use help thanks Sharako

ya so life is in that sucky stage again im in lots of pain usualy my nuts seam to allways hurt. dshs and ssi seam to be going realy slow i have not herd hide nor hair from the finatial aid at the college more suckage. someone is like pisted at me im not saying names cuse i promised but it suckes cuse i dident even do any thing. he has his mate and im not oblagated to sleep with him. im my owne keaper. arrg oh and thats not the end of it my o rings keep making sore dryed cracked skin. it sucks donkey shit. i so need to find local everett area furrs to hang with. im going crazy someone please help me..

Wish it was Sunday cuse thats my fun day. yep next sunday my good friend orion is comeing up from portland to get me and take me down there to hang for a fue days =^.^= yep restoring is still going great. still having proplems with my testicals. im gitng to dshs tomarow to see if i will get medical or money . ya nothing much other wise so just rember its just another manic monday.

so as usual things blow up in my face again. like clockwork my luck runs short on the full moon. this time i like miss the bus. ya lucky for me i was able to walk to a furrends house. yay so im crashing the night. at least i dident break a $5,000 vase ya that sucked. well i dident go to the youth home. im living at my grandmas with no net servus. oh joy! im tingeling on the inside. ive started college yay money. ^^ lets see what else oh my restoring goes ok im still doing it this makes um..11 weeks ro 2 mounths three weeks. its gon fairly well the tlc tugger is on but ive mainly ben using o rings. =^_^= ive gotten about ___ much in skin groath. the only problem ive had was that the skin gets streched swells and then sheds in one peace. its inturesting i think its normal as far as i can tell im not scaring the skin and im not in any pain. well thats about all of my adventures for the past fue weeks. oh and being 21 isent that exciteing